Penguin
The Penguin is an eccentric criminal mastermind, known as much for his love of ornithology and trick umbrellas as for his already shady business dealings. Born Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot, the Penguin was teased very much in childhood due to his short stature, obesity, and bird-like nose. These traits made him an outcast in his rich, debutante family. Their rejection drove him to become a violent criminal (though according to the recent encapsulated origin of the Penguin as shown in Countdown 29, young Cobblepot was not wealthy and his mother owned a pet shop, while other origins state that Cobblepot only became a criminal after neighbourhood bullies murdered all the animals in the shop, including his beloved birds. These are contrasted against the more aggressive and specific wealth gathering origins of the Batman graphic novel "Batman: Penguin Triumphant" which specifically states that Cobblepot is not nor ever was insane and merely used his astute mind and scientific skills in developing weapons to intimidate and control others, and the largely attributed Earth-One incarnation origin of Penguin in Batman #287. Battle vs. Green Goblin (by The Deadliest Warrior) In the gloomy, dark, and dirty streets of Gotham City, The Penguin casually strolls out of Gotham City bank, two vile-looking crows perched on either shoulder. As he starts to cross the street, two quiet shots ring out and the birds on Penguin's shoulder disappear in a puff of feathers. Penguin sqwaks unhappily and looks up, umbrella aimed at the skies. The Green Goblin, riding on his Goblin Glider, swoops down, laughing manically and drops several Pumpkin Bombs down at the Penguin. The Penguin raises his umbrella over his head and the bombs explode harmlessly. The Penguin activates his Umbrella Helicopter and whizzes after the Goblin. When the Green Goblin lands on a tall building, the Penguin drops a few buildings behind and takes careful aim with his Umbrella gun and fires. The shot hits the Green Goblin square in his back, a killing shot, but the Goblin's armor protects him. The Goblin hops back on his Goblin Glider and zooms over the Penguin, but after a quick slice from the Umbrella Sword, the Glider is rendered useless and the Goblin jumps at the Penguin, claws scratching furiously. However, the Penguin quickly raises a fist in the air, catching the Goblin staight in the face. The Penguin jumps in the air and lands a perfect kick on the Goblin's chest, knocking him down. The Green Goblin recovers, however, and throws two Goblin Boomerangs at Penguin,which the Penguin dodges and flips back up, only to come face-to-face with the Goblin Gun. The Penguin quacks and tries to stall the goblin while he fumbles in his pocket for what he's looking for - a Penguin Bomb. As the Goblin scowls and cocks the gun, the penguin grins crookedly and points down. The Green Goblin opens his mouth in confusion as The Penguin activates his Umbrella Helicopter and flies away. There is a small penguin-figurine, about three feet tall, making faster and faster penguin noises. As the sqwakes and honks reach the pinnacle of their speed, the penguin explodes, sending the Goblin hurtling over the side of the building to his death on the streets far below. Far away, as The Penguin hears the bomb explode, and he laughs and lands on the ground, running with what little money he managed to keep during the fight. Expert's Opinion The experts believed that Penguin's victory was due to his surprisingly deadly and reliable Umbrella weapons and that he was a better fighter up close than the Goblin. To see the original battle, weapons and votes, click here. Battle vs. The Joker (Nolanverse) (by Wassboss) No battle written. Expert's Opinoin TBW To see the original battle, weapons and votes, click here. Battle vs. Spike Spiegel (by Lasifer) No battle written. Winner: Spike Spiegel Expert's Opinion TBW To see the original battle, weapons and votes, click here. Battle vs. Tony Montana (by Battlefan237) Before the bloodbath The Iceberg Lounge tonight is noisy as usual, with tourists being amazed by the bizarre display of Penguin sculptures installed on the wall and amateur gamblers cheering out loud for their victory at the slot machine. There's laughing faces everywhere from the dinning area to the stage, where one of Gotham's newest rising star is showing off her fabulous voice, receiving applauds from audiences around the hall. However, whoever has the least amount of knowledge of Gotham's secret rules will certainly sense something out of ordinary hidden behind this seemingly normal casino night . The true star of Iceberg Lounge's nights, Oswald Cobblepot, who spends most of his nights in the main hall, walking around and send his regards to notable millionaires and entrepreneurs, is missing from the scene. For people that are infamiliar with Gotham, Mr.Cobblepot is just another rich business man who constantly shows up at those charity events, just like that guy named Bruce Wayne, the only thing differs these two is that he's fatter than Wayne. Some even says that Mr.Cobblepot's obesity makes him kind of cute , just like a penguin wearing a top hat, with his kind smile hanging on the top of his overweight body. However,for every single Gotham citizen that has ever engaged in criminal activities, including those unremarkable street thugs and hand-scammers, a malicious vulture is always lurking behind the false smile on Mr.Cobblepot's face. And if a vulture is absent from its nest, it'll be up for preys. Tonight, Mr.Cobblepot isn't out in the city for preys. On the contrary, he's staying inside the lounge, settling behind a table in Victorian era design , which is said to be inherited from his great-grandfather. The table is located in a large room on the second floor of the lounge, where normal tourists will get tossed out of if they attempted to go. Only very few people in Gotham have the qualification to dine with Mr.Cobblepot at this particular table. One of them is a homicidal clown appears in purple tuxedo and always puts on a goofy and yet inscrutable smile, who has been an old friend of Mr.Cobblepot . "Our best associate from the nuts house." This is how Mr.Cobblepot refers to him. The second guy qualified to dine here is a skinny man who is responsible for the infamous blackout of the city ten years ago and always dressed in green outfit, with large logos of question marks painted over his clothes. Mr.Cobblepot is always willing to discuss Shakepeare or Van Gogh with this peculiar figure. Sometimes a masked vigilante also bursts into this room to ask for information about the location of an escaped crocodile person or the amount of 'special' medical equipment purchased by a certain scientist who has gone too far with Alice In Wonderland, which the Penguin is more than willing to offer in exchange for the vigilante's temporary tolerance for his own business. Then there're other times when a scarecrow who find himself being terribly scared of bats, a man with severely burned face who can't decide whether he should go to bathroom or not without the help of a two dollar coin, a dumbass with a flamethrower, a pig-masked looney, a botanic lady with toxic body, a scientist with mattress and quilt obsession, a faceless serial killer lady or other ridiculous criminals of this town call at his lounge to beg for shelters or resources. Penguin kicks them out with no exception, some unlucky ones even receive a beat-up treatment from Penguin's hitmen. However, Penguin's guest tonight is a special one (though murderous clown, linguistic green man and man dressed in animal costumes are special enough). "Mr.Montana will arrive at my lounge in minutes. I won't go down to the hall in person in order not to catch the unecessary attention of some friends. So I would like you to guide him up here. Please make sure you bid this new-comer a warm welcome. " Orders Penguin as he places a flowerpot in the central of the table."Anything you say, boss." Says his agent, who goes downstairs to greet the new visitor. ...... "What's the name of that fatso again ?" "Oswald Chestfield Cobblepot, Tony. I've told you 3 times !" "That's a %&$]%^ long name." "Watch your mouth, don't let that man hear this." "It's okay, we're not on his territory yet. Anyway, is this man really as resourceful as the rumor goes ?" "Probably. His industry is the biggest in this town, even bigger than that sucker with a black mask we met last week." "Well then let's see what goods he can bring us. " Tony gazes out of the car window, scanning the night view of Gotham City. The Wayne Tower stands above the skyline, with the company Logo shining in Neon light , carving a giant letter 'W' in the misty night fog. Moments later they passes the Gotham City Hall, in front of which stands the statues of the founding fathers of Gotham. The most notable one among the four statues is the suclpture of Alan Wayne, smiling generously at the square, seemingly unaware of the countless crimes that have taken place throughout the century in the city he created. Two blocks away from the city hall comes a theater in constructed in spectacular Roman style. "Hey, wasn't that Wayne couple murdered here ?" Smirks Tony as they pass the gate. "I guess so." Nods Manny," We're almost there ! Look, the lounge is around the corner !" A casino bumps into their sights as they drive along the seaside avenue. The building is white in general, with lights flashing out of every window, making the whole structure silver. The glass shard has been deliberately modified to resemble the look of an actual iceberg, with sharpened peaks pointing towards the sky and uneven slopes covering the tremendous wall . The dazzling statue of a penguin is displayed on the top of it, gazing at the city in curiousity. Every single travel book for Gotham describes the casino as a place suitable for both holiday entertainments and social events. It is also well-known for its long history, being a building that has been standing in the gulf of Gotham even before that masked vigilante shows up. Obviously, Manny is amazed at the fabulous and yet bizarre design of the building as his eyes widens. "Wow !" He can't help shouting out. "Meh, just a Sydney Opera House Rip-off. " Goes Tony, who isn't intrigued at all,"Hope the deal gotta go right. Let the boys wait outside , and let them do their stuff if anything fucks up. " Tony says this in a relatively joking manner, but sadly, things really gonna get messed up...... The Bloodbath "Mr.Montana, your products are certainly of good quality. " Goes Penguin, "However, I'm afraid that Metropolis is a better solution for you." "What do you mean ? Let me set the record straight, I've came all the way down here, only to hear you telling me that I should've tried another city?" "I'm afraid so, my friend. Your products are no longer popular in this town where The Wonderland Haze dominates the industry. But trust me, I didn't invite you here just to tell you this. I have a job in vacancy , and I'm pretty sure you can nail it . From now on, you'll be supervising over the distribution of the haze in the west narrows. " "F**k it, so what you're now saying is that you want me to work for you ?" "Son, I'm sure you haven't realized how magnificent of an opportunity have you just been offered. The narrows is one of the most flourishing market in this city..." "Shut up, fatso. I'm leaving this place." Penguin frowns in a second, then switches into a false smile, with fierce lights beaming out of his monocle as half of his face slowly begins to throb. This newcomer has just called him a nickname that even the Joker chooses not to call. "Mr.Montana. Your manners ought to be improved." Goes Penguin as he watches Tony stride down the stairs. "It's none of your f**king business, fatso, if you like penguins so much, why don't you go back to South Pole ?" Tony kicks a trash can in the shape of a penguin over and goes for the casino gate. "You will regret this." "You are a f**king cockroach." Tony is triggered. This fatso has been fooling him around, hoping to take him under his wings. Now it's time to teach this fatso a lesson. All the people that have fooled Tony are dead now, with this tweedy as an exception. When he reaches the gate, Tony signals his men outside to park the vehicles and come in. This move is reckless, even for a man like Tony. But whoever challenges his pride shall be demolished. After killing this fatso, he'll leave this town forever, probably via the bridge before the man dressed in bat suits catch him up. Behind him, Penguin, who obviously senses something wrong, gestures the camera to assemble his thugs. No fights have taken place in his casino for an awful long period of time, but there are always a set of mercenaries ready for this sort of emergency. Penguin: x 15 Tony Montana : x 15 A group of thugs bumped into the door, with their Mac-10s and M16s in hands. They scattered around the hall immediately, spraying at random direction. Two of Penguin's agents disguised as waiters clumsily shoot back with their pistols , only to be perished in the bullet mist . "Insolent feral animals. " Smirked Penguin as he watched the scene. Tony himself had just rejoined his thugs, holding an M16 rifle, giving the Penguin a middle finger sign. One of Tony's thug reached the stairs and went up, bumping straight into a horde of mercenaries. The leading one shot him in the chest with his M1911. The man tumbled downstairs and crashed into a flower pot . As soon as the horde reached the ground floor, they sheltered themselves behind tables and boards immediately. But one of them wasn't fast enough to match the devilish rate of fire of Mac-10 and fell dead on the marble ground as red liquids came gushing out of the holes on his body . The main hall was now in a complete state of chaos, with startled guests and performers running around, desperately heading towards the exit while some headed for the gambling section to take cover behind boxes. Many of them were shot down on their way, biting the dust in the heart of an iceberg. Bullets from both sides flew around the scene, tearing through goblets and shattering glass, staining the Cobblepot property with bloods and scars. The Penguin was still seemingly calm , tightly clutching at his umbrella and maintained a subtle smile on his face. While deep inside his heart, the waves were roaring. "I do hope this mess will not catch the attention of the Bat." He murmured. As Tony's men recklessly pushed forward, one of the thugs went out of bullets. As he reached into his pocket for another clip, one of the Penguin's guard pumped five rounds of Ak-74 into his stomach . Tony fired back at the man with his Beretta 92, shooting him on the forehead . Another of Penguin's hired muscle was busy tackling Manny, who had two thugs at his command. Manny was aiming to approach Penguin's section from sideway, which was guarded by only two mercenaries, one of whom had already been shot in the leg. One thug marched forward, firing his M16 at the remaining agent, who fired back with his Ak-74, resulting in a tie . Manny and his last man followed the step of the first thug and went for the door. They found it locked dead. As Manny fired through the padlock to break it open, the bleeding guard with leg injuries shot the last thug in the back with his last strength . Shocked, Manny quickly turned back and shot the man on the ground in the face . "Man," He thought,"Hopes this gonna end quick. They're all so damn loyal to their bosses. " He couldn't help feel kind of bad with the four deadbodies on the ground. "Now what I'm going to do is simply walk into this door and find out a stair, then I'll walk to the the platform upstairs and get the fat man by surprise. " He picked up an assault rifle beside the bodies and walked into the door. "Boss, a man has entered the N corridor on the ground floor, obviously he's one of Mr.Montana's associates, and he's attempting to come up here and find you." A guard rushed out of the camera room and reported to Penguin. "Emm...N corridor. N for nuts, isn't it ? I'm sure he's not going to make it here alive. No need to send any men there, I'm sure our business partner residing in that corridor will settle this for us." Said the Penguin, still with a mysterious grin. Manny silently walked down the corridor, seeking for a stair. Oddly enough , this corridor is filled with broken chairs and tables, all of which were dusty, seemingly hadn't been polished by anyone for the last few decades. There was also a smell of corrosion, which gave Manny an uneasy feeling. He couldn't help wondering why such a high-level casino should have such a disgraceful corridor, with the paint peeling off its walls and nasty smells filling the air. With caution, he slid over his Beretta and clamped it tight. Suddenly, he sensed something behind him, as the sound of a door cracking open hit his ears. He turned, and what he saw by the ominous light filtering through the slammed-shut corridor door caused a scream to come bolting out of his usually calm throat. At some point while he had been concentrating, a clown had came out of a door behind him and joined the party. The clown's pale, crooked face decorated with a huge Glasgow smile managed to let out words as Manny pointed his pistol at him. "AOh, oh, oh ! Look like what we have here ! Manny Ribera, the Cuban kid and the right hand man of Tony Montana ! I love Cuba, with all of my respect, though, I'm no big fan of that Fidel Castro guy." "Me neither. Who the hell are you? And how do you know my name ?" "Just a concerned friend of Ossy, Manny-boy. As for how did I get your name...Well, you see, though I'm crazy, I still read things, and oh god, I read a lot of things, which allows me to know you and your little friends pretty well. You're a bunch of tough boys from Miami, where you've built youselves an empire. Oh boy, you should really have stayed out of Here and continued with your empires in Miami. Gotham is too mature for your boys." "What are you talking about ?" Confused, Manny tossed a question to the clown. "Heh, take this as an example. You see, Ossy has had camera planted in every section of the lounge, which are connected to his camera men. I have also had Eddie hacked the connection and hooked some of them to my computer back in the room. A few minutes ago, I was watching you guys fighting. You boys are vigorous, but still naive. While you were struggling against the two men at the corridor door, two more of your friends were slaughtered by Ossy's guards in the main hall. I saw them trying to struggle towards the stairs, but Ossy had two men up there shooting them all down with Tommy guns . "What's the fuck are you talking about..."Manny attempted to pull the trigger, but the clown was faster with his pistol, shooting Manny in the throat . The Joker walked up to Many and watched him coughing out blood. "Brilliant expression of agony." He grinned and waved to the security camera. "Ossy, I promise I won't intervene the rest. You know, this guy has set feet upon my little territory at your lounge, so I guess it's pretty fair for me to do you a favor killing this boy. " Laughed the clown prince of crime as he walked back to his room and once again staring at the computer screen, enjoying his show. "Ooooooh, this gonna get interesting ! " He tapped the screen as the man in the camera pulled out a grenade launcher. "Alright, you really wanna play rough ? Say hello to my little friend !" A grenade was sent towards the guards, and seconds later the flesh and brain matters of the two Thompson men were all over the escalator . The grenade was effective, but one wasn't enough for a Tony in rage. He installed another one as the weapon cooled down, this time he aimed straight for the fatso standing way back on the high platform. "Bloody hell, wah ! " Shouted the Penguin as he dodged back, immediately opened his umbrella shield. The bomb didn't reach the platform and exploded at the edge of it, sending broken pieces of glass and steel fences flying, one of which pierced through Penguin's body guard . Penguin himself blocked the glass fractures with his umbrella.A steel pole impaled the shield, but was stuck in the middle, leaving Penguin safe and unharmed except a few scratches. Tony and his men went nuts. They waved their sub machineguns and rushed forward like a bunch of crazies. The last of Penguin's men downstairs made his attempt to flee, only to be terminated under the joint firepower of everyone in Tony's gang . Penguin lost his smile. He knew this time, he had to get his hands dirty. He gently discarded the broken umbrella and took out another one from the shelf which looked exactly like the old one with only o a little bit difference : The head of this umbrella was a muzzle. "Get my other umbrellas." He ordered a guard, who immediately ran back and headed for the storage room, while all the other remains of Penguin's agents, including the agents from the camera room, rushed towards the stair with their pistols and thompsons. The first thug up was immediately shot down by an agent, but another thug followed up with an M16 and killed the agent . The thug went for the Penguin, who had prepared himself. "Hey why are you holding an umbre----?!" A large bang noise shattered the air as the umbrella shotgun pumped a round into the thug, blowing off his entire left shoulder . "Wah ! Haven't directly killed a man since the year before last." Smirked the Penguin as he took aim at the next approaching thug. This time the shotgun blew right into his guts, making a tremendous hole in his stomach. The poor man watched what were supposed to be the remains of his lunch flowing out of the hole in confusion and fear as he was admitted to hell .The third thug was a wise man who dodged the shotgun and sprayed the remaining several rounds of his Mac-10 at Cobblepot, who once again held the umbrella open to block the bullets. "I'm gonna get him !" Thought the thug as he ran up the platform, only to get sprayed down by Penguin's top security officer Fishnet . Fishnet went to the body of the thug and stepped on his jaws, devastating his twisted face. "You're rougher to that man than you're supposed to be, and I like it." The Penguin said. "Thanks for the compliment, boss." He beamed out a dumb smile. His smile became frozen when he turned back and saw the one remaining agent of Penguin crawling back with their backs riddled with gory holes. A furious Tony who had teared down his suit was marching towards them, waving an AR-15 wildly with fierce lights gleaming in his deranged eyes, followed by his few remaining men. The man on the ground bleed out before they could make it towards the platform, letting out a string of dreadful rattles as they sank into eternal silence . Tony looked up to Fishnet, who was apparently shocked by his expression. "Hey, you.." Fishnet held up his Thompson, but Tony discharged his AR-15 before he could held it up the shoulder, shooting Fishnet five times on the chest . The poor man's body was tossed aside the thug with a hole on his stomach. "Get here, fatso !"Tony chased Penguin as the latter ran into the hallway. Penguin shot back with his umbrella in haste, one of the rounds managed to blow a thug towards the edge of the platform where he tumbled down to the main hall and crashed into pieces on the stage where a band was performing a few minutes ago . However, the other rounds ended up on the walls or into the trashcans. "Where are you ?" Shouted the angry man, while Penguin hid behind a supporting pillar. "I need my other umbrellas..." He muttered, as the fats on his face twisted into nervous toasts and went on throbbing in a combination of fear and anger. "Umbrellas, umbrellas..."He chanted to himself, amid with the roars of Tony behind the pillar. Suddenly, the guard who was sent for the umbrellas emerged from a door next to him, with two umbrellas in hands. "Boss, your umbrellas !" The guard shouted, and tossed the two umbrellas towards the bird. "You idiotic piece of..." Shouted the Penguin as he caught the umbrellas. "What's the hell ?" Shouted a thug of Tony as he pointed his Beretta towards the guard."Who's behind that ?" The Penguin poked the flamethrower umbrella out of the shadow and roared it open in a seconds. The brutal flames released from the device went wild and roared across the small room, instantly consuming the thug holding a Beretta , going straight for Tony, who stood only few feet next to the thug. The mighty Montana who always took others by surprise was finally caught by surprise himself. Though he dodged quick, the flame still caught him by the left arm, causing him to drop his rifle and pat his arm on the carpet in an attempt to put it off. "Hey !" The last thug held up his Mac-10, but immediately dropped it as he found a knife launched from the umbrella spring knife gun had just pierced through his collar, stunning right into his throat . Tony, finally getting rid of the flames, managed to stand up, only to get a fist blow on the forehead, sending him to the ground.A pair of hands tightened up his throat. Penguin had his hands around Tony's neck and began to strangle him. "No one in the history of Gotham ever messed around on the Cobblepot's property like this. " Shouted Oswald, as he choked the man underneath, clutching his neck tight. Tony attempted to swear, but his eyes went bulged immediately as his face trembled with pain and frustration, disabling him from saying anything useful except rattling murmurs and groans. The man above him was compelling, putting all of his strength into the hands covered in decent gloves. Bloods cascaded out of his unsettling, quivering mouth, coloring Penguin's white gloves into crimson . "Wah ! You know, penguins might be the fattest and slowest birds on the ground, but when they charge towards their targets under water, they're the same with eagles." Said the Penguin, taking a glimpse at Tony's bulging eye balls, disgusted but firm. It did not take very long for Tony Montana to meet his doom, going to a place where he could rejoin his dead friends in Cuba. The Penguin stood up and took off the bloody gloves, handing them to the remaining guard. "Dump it somewhere safe." Said the Penguin, coldly. "And find some people to clean up all of these." He pointed to the dead bodies on the floor. Then he walked out of the room and gazed around the platform. Dead bodies were displayed every where in random fashion, with heaping limbs piling over the escalator, and distorted flesh scattering around the main hall. The police must be on their way, and probably the Bat was also some where near. "Well, well, Ossy !" The Joker walked out of the stair room, smiling. "You've really softened after all these years. Handling these boys shouldn't have been such a tough job for you . Oh Ossy, it's really a mess here !" The clown hopped around the room, having fun over kicking the dead bodies of Tony and his men. "Get back to your room, Joker. Don't let the police see you." "Anything you say, Ossy ! " Chanted the clown as he gave Penguin an old-fashioned navy salute and headed back for his room, which made the remaining guard chuckle. "Now, you. " Penguin turned to the guard, " We still have loads of bloody stuff to settle. So I advise you gentleman to shut the hell up and contact some clean-up crew, or else I'll clean you up." The guard immediately silenced. "Just another normal day in Gotham..."Thought the Penguin as he walked onto the platform, steadying himself to bid welcome to the police,which were not his major concerns. "As long as the Bat ignore this unpleasant incident, everything will still be fine..." He thought to himself, as the horde of police cars flocked into the parking lot...... Winner : The Penguin Expert's opinion Tony Montana and his men mainly are vigorous and strong, relying on their pushy fighting style and spray-and-pray tactics to win gang wars, which are effective against low level street gangs and cartels, but are useless against Penguin, who is a highly sophisticated mobster and master planner with a group of harsh criminals as subordinates. Meanwhile, Penguin's trick umbrellas also provide a lot of surprise factors to help him in the fight. In this way, Oswald.C.Cobblepot triumphed over Tony and his little friends. To see the original battle and votes, click here. Battle vs. Balalaika (by Battlefan237) ) Iceberg Lounge, Gotham City Sitting on the chair, with his hands tied to its back, is Drury Walker, a small-time Gotham crook that has always been dreaming about joining the big league. To achieve such goal, he has been committing small heists and hit-and-runs under the alias of Killer Moth, hoping that one day he'll gain the attention of the big names and get a chance to work under their wings. Now, his dream has come true, but in the worst way possible. "So what you little pathetic Lepidoptera is trying to say is, that you have sold the map of MY TURF to the Russians ?" Drury trembles as the obese man in front of him throws out yet another question that he dares not to answer. "M, m, Mr. Cobblepot, let me explain it you, you, you see, he......he...I.,...I was a little bit drunk at that time when he, he called on me and offered me that case of money. You, you know, when, when people are drunk, they, they can't think properly, they make stupid mistakes. I thought that man works for you so I...." "Why on earth would I order someone working for me to purchase a map of my own turf ?" Shouts the Penguin. "I, I'm not sure Mr.Cobblepot, guess I was just too stupid...." Before Moth could finish his words, the mob boss, obviously fed up with Drury's stutters, raises his umbrella and pulls the trigger, blowing up the poor man's head for his own good. "Now clean up this sack of shite, will you ?" Orders the Penguin, as he marches out of the torture room, with his bodyguards following him. "How did the map make it to his hands ?" Asks Lark, the bird's right-hand woman. "Not sure, note it down for me, will ya ? Now that the Russians have already got it, dealing with them is my priority. Get Sionis on the line, war is around the corner." However. before Lark can reach the telephone, loud siren signaling an upcoming invasion starts ringing fiercely, drawing the attention of Cobblepot and every henchman in the room to the big screen on which security cameras carried by the trained penguin are sending back footages showing several groups of heavily-armed men approaching the casino from various directions. "Cacophony in Cobblepot's property." Says the Penguin, as he orders his subordinates to notify his crew stationed at various spots around his turf to ambush. Utilizing their factor of surprise, Iceberg Lounge's staff are able to take down several of the Hotel Moscow soldiers, before they shudder to realize that this group of new assailants in front of them are far from anything they've ever experienced.Not only do they fire with higher accuracy than your typical Gotham city thugs working under the deranged minds like Dent or Joker, but also they kill with a higher efficiency than those tortuous cultists under Sionis's wing. Not to mention the rage burning in their eyes as they slowly push back the Iceberg Lounge crew's assault. The rage that were born in the barren land of Siberia, born from a fallen superpower which has also once been the cradle of several other deadly players of Gotham city. It doesn't take long for Balalaika's men to suppress their foes.The motley crew of muggers and junkies hired to safeguard the border of Cobblepot's turf stand virtually no chance against this company of former Red Army warheads, as they scurry off their posts, leaving piles of bodies behind and literally running for their lives. Watching all these unfold on the big screen in his office, the Penguin sighs. Never has he placed any form of high expectation on those hired guns, but he doesn't expect their failure to be so immediate and disastrous like this. For a moment the idea of contacting the Bat springs up in his brain, however, the dark secret hidden in his storage soon prevents him from putting this insane plan into action. "Lark, gather your squad and set the helicopters ready. Ogilvy, head to the lab and bring out my own version of the clown's favorite toy." After giving order to two of his most trusted goons, Penguin waddles down the stairs and goes straight to his secret lair. The feeling that this war will end up forcing himself into action is getting stronger, and what would be the point for the Penguin to engage in a direct brawl were he not to be packed with his umbrellas. Arming himself with two extra umbrellas, the Penguin leaves the room after taking a final glance at the security case in which the damned book has been resting peacefully. "When this trouble is settled, Nygma ought to be summoned here to help me solve the mystery lurking behind its sentences. Asset worthy of exploiting lies behind them, or else that pathetic husk of a wizard wouldn't have been so obsessed with it." ---- "Based on our source, the room on the east side of the ground floor is the bird man's preferred hideout." The soft voice of his boss comes through the military radio, as Boris and his men march through Cobblepot's dump yard, leaving a trial of dead bodies behind. So far they haven't encountered any notable obstacles, with every patch of their enemies being low-level thugs and junkies barely capable of aiming properly. Some of them have already grown bored, underwhelmed by the low quality troop the kingpin of Gotham City possessed.However, Boris has not yet let off his guard. In the past few years,criminals of Gotham origin that happened to pass by Roanapur has provided him a few hints on the nature of this charming but deadly city of loons, and many of those criminals have told him that nothing in Gotham is a hundred percent sane, behind every seemingly normal site, a twisted phantom might be lurking. Several minutes later they arrive at the east wing of the Casino, in front of which a small square reserved for future parking lots lies. With no one in sight, Boris ordered his men to forward. However, as they approach the entrance, the door opens by itself. A waddling thing with the size of a child shakily walks out of the door, instantly drawing the attention of everyone. Despite the sudden nature of this incident, the Hotel Moscow crew remain cool. Their conflict with the Romanian twins has taught them two simple facts : Never underestimate your opponent because of his/her age, and if there is one child, a possibility of a second one hiding in the environment, readying to ambush you is always high. An even more shocking scene hits the Russian gangsters, as neon light unveils the shaking figure. What has been getting onto their nerves isn't even a human ! It is a frigging penguin ! "What's the hell ? Is that old fatso into bird sex or something like that ?" Izhakoff shouts in surprise, stirring up a little bit of uneasy laughter among the nervous crew. "What can a f**king bird do ?" Mutters Alyokhin, as he draws out his Stechkin and opens fire. Hit by the bullet, the bird squeezes out a painful "wah" before collapsing on the ground, revealing a small package attached to its back. "What's inside this bag ?" Asks Alyokhin as he goes up to inspect the bird, followed by Izhakoff and another soldier. It is already too late when Boris realizes the danger behind it and makes a vain attempt to call them back, as the familiar beeping sound of a time bomb counting down starts up. Instantly ducking behind whatever they are able to find,Boris and the last two of his company avoid the blast. However, the poor souls that clustered around the dead bird are all gone, leaving three torn-up carcasses scattered around the entrance. Almost instantly, more penguins come darting out of the door. This time, Boris and his men spare no hesitation pummeling them down with their AK-47s. With all the birds taken down and explosion over, the three men continue their expedition. Little do they know that the explosive penguins are only a small fraction of the horror this city has to offer. As they travel through the dark hallway, making their way to the targeted room, they are met with no oppositions. "This doesn't feel right,"Says Putin, the youngest of the trio,"It is too quiet, almost eerie." "Keep your nerves on, enemies might come at us from any directions." Responds Boris, as he points his rifle to the right side, while the other Russian soldier makes sure no one can flank them from the left.Almost a minute has passed when they reach a small intersection. It is at this moment that the other Russian soldier suddenly begins to chuckle wildly. "What's so funny ?" Asks Putin, as he pats his partner on the shoulder. The man turns to Putin, revealing a pair of bleary eyes and a wide grin. "What's so funny ?Heh, heh, heh,EEE HEE HEE HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA,HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA ? Funny ? HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA ? How to you say it ? Say that again ? Everything is funny, a big, big joke ! What is a tybalt ? What is a joke ? Dancing penguins and flying question marks...GOD HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH !" Putin backs off, as he watches the man tumbles backwards, losing his grip of sanity. Before Putin can figure out, Boris violently pulls him back, placing a gas mask in his arms. As Putin swiftly puts on his mask, he catches notice of the gas can that has been sneakily emitting Cobblepot's downgraded version of the boldest creation of Gotham's best criminal mastermind hanging on the wall on the left. Their partner, who hasn't been sharp enough to notice the can, now succumbs to the dastard effect of the infamous laughing gas and slams dead on the floor. Meanwhile, at various spots across the Lounge, most of the Hotel Moscow crew that have made their way into the casino are submerged in the dark seas insanity. Having inhaled the gas that either comes from the hanging cans or pops out of the ventilation system, they laugh and prance in the surreal joy of psychopathy. shooting each other with their assault rifles as their psyches deform and break down. Soon the laughter dies down, leaving piles of Glasgow smile-engraved dead bodies around the building. However, as one might expect, some of the smarter ones, like Boris, are able to put on gas masks in time and continue their blind crusade. ---- Word by word hearing her soldiers' descend into madness, the term "painful and pissed" is concise to describe Balalaika's mood. The rumors surrounding this village of mad is true, she supposes, as she watches the Iceberg Lounge through her telescope. It's high time she went into action. ---- Oswald Cobblepot is on his way to the helipad when he bumps into the duo of Boris and Putin. "Surprise, isn't it ?" Utters Penguin, as he flexibly dodges back and opens his umbrella just in time to block several incoming bullets from the duo's AK-47s. Out of instinct the birdman retaliates by pulling the trigger on the umbrella's handle. Barely avoiding the dum-dum launched from the umbrella's head, hardly has Boris regains his posture when a second one is fired, turning Putin into a human do-nut. Aiming for Boris, Penguin once again readies his favorite toy to fire, only to find that it has already run out of ammo. "Shouldn't have wasted a round on that costume freak." Sighs the Penguin, as Boris takes the chance charging forward, delivering a kick to the fat man's jaws. "Waaaaaaaah !" Groaning in pain, the mobster staggers back, instinctively covering his unusual nose with his hands as he tosses the umbrella aside and pulls out another one from his tuxedo. With no time to check the umbrella's function or to take a proper aim, he hastily pulls the trigger and relishes at the sight of flames coming out of its tip. Excruciating pain soon overwhelms Boris, as he watches the flame tearing through his supposedly fire-proof and bullet-proof vest in sheer terror. It doesn't take long for the flames to engulf the Russian man completely, literally roasting him alive. "Let lecture you a little bit more about the essence of my weapon. It is a beautiful artifact designed to burn through the Bat's suit. A masterpiece resulted from the combined efforts of my top scientists and old friend Garfield Lynns." "You'll never triumph. Us, the Hotel Moscow, has exterminated countless self-acclaimed criminal genius like you. Wait and see, you and your casino shall burn in hell." "Oh really ? So, let me impart a simple truth for you to digest the rather imposing nature of Iceberg Lounge. No matter how many killers and tough guys you've brought with you. me, Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot, has lived through worse.I have survived the conflicts between the clown and the Riddler, I have torn the Roman's organization to pieces and feed Falcone to Pygs, I have put Dent, Sionis and that piscatorial banker out of business, I have ruled this town of madness as their mayor, I have thrived when there's nothing to thrive, and thus I see impossibility for you and the people behind you to overthrow my regime." Shouts Cobblepot,as he watches the man on the floor painfully deforms into ashes. "Enough is enough." Not even taking a single glance back, he heads straight to the helicopter. "Boss, are you coming ? Lark has already taken off." Asks Ogilvy. Just as the bird man is about to board the assault helicopter, he pauses. "No, not this one. I'd like something different." ---- Seeing his boss off, Ignatius Ogilvy paces back inside. A random glimpse at Boris roasted corpse, the man turns right. "The Penguin has always been hiding something inside that secret chamber. Something he never allows others to see. Something mysterious and something he implied to be a book of some sort........With him in the sky, wouldn't it be a perfect chance for me to page it ?" However, his secret agenda is quickly ruined, as Balalaika's RPG rounds burst into the right wing of the corridor, blowing up the section where he is standing, sending the body parts of Cobblepot's right-hand man flying around. ---- "Damn, it missed the targeted room by almost an inch." The RPG soldier complains, as Balalaika calms him down. ---- "I , the Sultan of Mayonnaise, the God of Hollandaise, and the Emperor of Mustard, the Condiment King ! Will be the star of tonight's grand heist of Iceberg Lounge !" "Keep quiet or you'll attract the guys on the jeep over there. Wait for my SIGNALS, then we shall make our move. And don't forget, our buddy Moth is being kept in the east wing." "Philip wait, I'm clueless right now, I don't really think those men are from Penguin's gang...." "OI ! You insolent mortals, I am the unbeatable Zeus, your guns don't intimidate me at all !" "SHUT THE F**K UP MAXIE YOU F**KING MORON YOU'RE !" The four idiotic villains should feel honorable about their demise, considering the fact that they have managed to finally become a part of the big league, through dying in the same way as many of the bird's remaining ground troops that are perishing under the machine gun fires coming from the jeeps. ---- Lark is not in the best of her moods. For months, she has been fascinated by the idea of taking a ride on her boss's beloved helicopters, firing at enemies trying to take her boss's throne. Now that her dream has come true, but she isn't grasping the correct sense. She has managed to blown up a jeep, however, the drivers managed to jump off before the explosion and escape into the cargo section. The scattered running targets are incredibly hard for her to hit, and in the process of finally taking down the running gangster, two of her own allies were accidentally shot dead. "Damn this is such a waste of time and resources, when this is over I'm going to report this to boss and maybe then we can change these clumsy flying castles into practical jeeps like them." Lark almost starts daydreaming about her boss praising her intelligence and rewarding her with fat slacks when a bullet tears through the front class and pierces her chest. "What's the flying....? " She mumbles, before biting her dust.The last thing she saw was Balalaika holding her Dragunov on her jeep far away below. "Damn captain you would've been an Olympic champion if it hadn't been Afgh..." The RPG soldier's praise is interrupted by his boss's fierce stare, and he pauses smartly, knowing that one word further he will be pressing on Balalaika's scar. In the distance, Lark's helicopter crashes onto the body of a cargo ship, creating a temporary firework show, spicing up the already-heated atmosphere of Gotham harbor. "Time to retreat." Balalaika orders as the surviving members of the casino exploration rush out of the building, reporting no signs of the Penguin. "We found Boris's burned body near the targeted room, which was empty and look more like a storage than an office. None of his squad members were nearby." "We'll retrieve their bodies later," Commands Balalaika, as she takes notice of the helicopter with Gotham TV painted on its door looming towards their spot."The reporters have already arrived, and soon will the police." "Wait captain what is that helicopter trying to ---- ?" Hardly has the soldier finished his sentence when one Gatling gun pokes out of the door, reeling off an incessant series of bullets, tearing through the crowds of dumbfounded Hotel Moscow militants. The RPG soldier, who isn't fast enough to duck, gets riddled with holes in sheer seconds. The rains of bullets hurl him over Balalaika, creating a temporary human shield. "DIE ! YOU PESTS ! THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS TO WHOEVER DARES TO MESS AROUND ON THE PROPERTY OF OSWALD COBBLEPOT ! " Shouts the Penguin, as sweat runs down his hook-shaped nose and twisted face. The shaking muscle presses his monocle upward, forming a caricature of an obese man, a penguin and a gorilla. Continuing pressing the firing button on the control desk, he is too intoxicated in his victory as he watches the remaining men of Balalaika collapsing down on the ground below to notice Balalaika slowly reaching for the RPG soldier's signature weapon. Seconds later, when Balalaika's movements are too obvious to be overlooked, she has already held the RPG in hands and taken aim. Just as she thinks this bloodbath might be over, the Penguin jumps out of the helicopter the moment she launches out the final rocket. As the parachute opens up behind Cobblepot's back, Balalaika immediately disposes the useless rocket launcher and attempts to reach out for the rifle on the ground, only to have Penguin firing at the rifle mid-air with his reloaded umbrella gun, blowing it into pieces. The exact second the Penguin thinks he has this victory in bags and fires the second round, Balalaika hops out of her jeep, barely dodging a direct blow to her seat. The last round soon follows through, only to narrowly miss the target due to Cobblepot's shaky aiming. Seizing Cobblepot's landing as an opportunity to convert defeat into victory, Balalaika charges forward and knees the cunning criminal in the groin before he can steady his umbrella. Yelling in pain the Penguin struggles to regain his balance as a second punch to the face sends him falling backwards. Hurriedly pressing his umbrella open he blocks a stomp from the Russian fury and stabs her in the thigh with the spring knife attached to its head. Stunned by the severe pain and tipped by the umbrella Balalaika backed off a few steps to the right of the Penguinbefore balancing her self and drawing out her pistol,shooting the bird man's arm,forcing the umbrella off his hand. However on the point of making another shot she notices that the Penguin has also drawn out the rarely-used M1911 kept inside his pocket with his intact arm. At this close of a range and in not-so-perfect physical condition, neither of the mobsters can make up his/her mind to shoot. However, the siren which signifies the arrival of James Gordon finally pushes both of them to give up and drop their guns on the ground. Winner: Tied ---- 2 days later "Name ?" "Putin House." "Reasons for visit ?" "The inmate is a personal friend of mine. " ... "Damn that cop was an easy one to fool." ELGB thinks to himself as he approaches the Penguin's cell, a white envelope in hands. "Ah finally you've come..... Wait.... You aren't my lawyer ? Do I know you ? Who the hell are you ?" "You don't remember me ? I'm the man you blew up with your shotgun back at the lounge, right before turning the other man into a Peking duck." "Wha.... What ? Why are you still alive ?" "Mr. Cobblepot, after all these years in Gotham, please don't tell me you're still freaking out when seeing someone coming back from dead. The Joker did it twice, Red Hood did it once, and the Bat has done it for countless times. And I assure you that I'm not here to harm you, just to give you this." "What's inside this....Wait, isn't it the book.....?" "You're right Mr. Cobblepot. And I do admire the fact that, being a mortal, you have managed to smell the possible profits lying behind this seemingly innocent book. As you might have learned Doctor Dee stole the book from a realm far away, and the Justice League is now busy searching it. Originally I was the one assigned by them to destroy the book in subtle ways that wouldn't draw the attention of the Justice League, therefore I manipulated you and the woman you met into fighting each other, covering up the demolition of the book with an ordinary gang war. However, now that the war has gone out of my control, I ultimately decide to keep the book and pave way for..well, a more subtle story with it." "And in what part of this story will I be fitting in ? What profits will I derive from it ?" "Well, easy and simple, Mr. Cobblepot. As you might have realized, the book contains gospels, gospels of your world and many worlds beyond. And your task is to spread this gospel, spread them to Arkham Asylum and Blackgate Prison, spread them to every insane mind of Gotham city, from the beautiful insanity of Joker and Riddler to the lesser-maniacs such as Sionis and Blackfire, and to those insane jokes, Polka-Dot Man, Captain Stingaree, etc... By doing so you'll be having money, loads of money flooding into your account...." "Then that's a deal. " Smiles the Penguin, as he opens the envelope, revealing its title: Seven Pillars of Wisdom Expert's Opinion In terms of troop quality and training, Balalaika stands out. However, Penguin's experience of fighting against Batman and outsmarting various supervillains in Gotham and DCU, as well as his more versatile arsenal, manage to make it up for him and result in a tie. To see the original battle, weapons and votes, click here. 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